When someone is struggling with thoughts of suicide, a single conversation can be the first step toward saving their life. It’s not about saying the “perfect” words or having all the answers. Rather, it’s about showing up, listening, and helping them connect to the support that is available.
Here’s how you can start, even if you feel unsure or nervous.
1. Notice the Signs
Sometimes the first signal that something is wrong is a feeling in your gut. Maybe a friend has been withdrawing from activities they once enjoyed. Maybe a co-worker has been talking about feeling hopeless or trapped. Other warning signs include:
Changes in sleep or eating patterns
Giving away possessions
Increased use of alcohol or drugs
Talking or writing about death
Saying things like “You’d be better off without me” or “I can’t go on”
If something feels off, trust your instincts and reach out.
2. Choose the Right Time and Place
Conversations about suicide should happen in private, without distractions. Pick a quiet, safe space where the person can feel comfortable opening up. Turn off your phone, make eye contact, and let them know you have time to listen.
3. Ask Directly, but Kindly
One of the most powerful things you can do is ask plainly: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” It might feel scary to say these words, but asking directly does not increase the risk. In fact, it can relieve pressure by allowing someone to talk about thoughts they’ve been keeping inside.
If you’re worried about how it will sound, remember to pair your question with empathy, such as “I’m concerned about you, and I care about what happens to you.” or “You matter to me, and I want to understand what you’re going through.”
4. Listen Without Judgment
If they answer “yes” or even “sometimes,” take it seriously. Your role is to listen, not to fix everything in the moment. Avoid arguing, giving lectures, or minimizing their feelings. Statements like “You have so much to live for” may come from a good place, but they can shut down the conversation. Instead, reflect what you hear: “It sounds like you’re feeling hopeless and exhausted.”
5. Encourage Professional Help
While your support matters, professional care is essential. Offer to help them connect with a counselor, doctor, or crisis line. You might say:
“I can sit with you while you call the crisis line.”
“Would you like me to drive you to your next appointment?”
If you believe they are in immediate danger, don’t leave them alone. Call 988 or emergency services right away.
6. Follow Up
One conversation is a starting point, not the end. In the days and weeks after, check in regularly. Send a message, invite them to coffee, or simply let them know you’re thinking about them. Knowing someone cares can be a powerful reason to keep going.
7. Take Care of Yourself, Too
Supporting someone in crisis can be emotionally draining. Make sure you have your own support network, whether it’s friends, family, or a counselor. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Check out our blog, “7 Self-Care Strategies for Bad Days” for some practical self-care tips.
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, help is available. Call Elevate at 262-677-2216, call or text 988, or visit 988lifeline.org to connect with trained crisis counselors 24/7.
