When Mark's dad died, he wasn't sure how to handle the grief that had started to course through him. He started having a drink after work because it helped him relax and quiet his thoughts. At first it didn't seem like a problem. He was still going to work, taking care of his family, and getting through each day. However, it wasn’t long before he started to notice that the alcohol became less of an indulgence and more of a need.
Over time, one drink became two. Then there were nights when he drank more than he planned. When he had a difficult day, drinking became something he looked forward to. Mark began turning down invitations with coworkers and friends because he worried about how he’d get home if he drank too much. Little by little, his family started noticing that he wasn't quite himself.
Mark wasn't trying to create new problems — he was trying to cope with one. Unfortunately, the one he chose, while often accepted in our society, can get out of control very quickly.
Everyone Has Ways of Coping
We all find ways to cope when life gets difficult. Sometimes those strategies help us move through a hard season. But sometimes it can create problems of its own. Recognizing that difference isn't about judgment. It's about noticing when something that once helped is no longer helping.
Coping looks different for everyone. We might exercise, talk with a friend, spend time outside, pray or meditate, listen to music, keep busy, or simply rest. However, we may also turn to food, alcohol, other substances, or destructive behaviors when we're trying to manage difficult emotions.
There is no single way to cope with stress, grief, anxiety or other challenges. What matters is whether our coping strategies are helping us manage what's happening or making life harder.
When Coping Starts to Interfere With Life
Sometimes the signs that a coping strategy has become a concern are gradual. You may notice that something is happening often or becoming harder to control.
With substance use, some signs can include:
Needing more (or more often) of a substance to get the effect
Using a substance to cope with emotions
Having problems at work, school or home because of use
Experiencing conflict or other relationship difficulties
Trying to cut back or stop and finding it difficult
Continuing to use despite consequences
One sign doesn't tell the whole story. When substance use starts interfering with someone's health, relationships, responsibilities, or ability to cope, it may be time to take a closer look.
Mental Health & Substance Use Can Intersect
Mental health and substance use can affect one another. Someone experiencing anxiety, depression, trauma, grief or another mental health concern may use substances in an attempt to feel better or manage emotions. Substance use can also affect mood, sleep, and overall well-being.
That doesn't mean everyone experiencing a mental health concern will develop a substance use problem or that substance use is always connected to a health condition. Every person’s experience is different.
Understanding the connection can help us approach both concerns with compassion and recognize when additional support may be helpful.
Why Stigma Can Keep People From Seeking Help
Fear of being judged can make it difficult to ask for help. Someone may worry about what their family, friends, or coworkers will think, feel ashamed, or believe they should be able to handle things on their own. Stigma can also lead us to make assumptions about why someone's using substances or what their recovery should look like when, in reality, it’s a different journey for everyone.
Instead of asking, "What's wrong with you?" we should be asking, "What's going on?” and “How can I support you?”
A compassionate conversation won't solve everything, but it can make it easier for someone to take the next step.
What Healthy Coping Can Look Like
Healthy coping doesn't mean feeling good all the time or never having a bad day. It means having ways to manage challenges without causing harm. That might include:
Talking with someone you trust
Getting enough sleep and physical activity
Spending quality time with people
Taking a break when you feel overwhelmed
Writing, creating, or spending time outdoors
Practicing mindfulness, prayer or relaxation
Setting boundaries when you need them
Talking with a counselor, peer support specialist or other professional
Different things work for people. Finding ways to cope can take time — especially when an old coping strategy no longer appears to work.
When to Reach Out
You don't have to wait for things to become a crisis before asking for help. If you're worried about your substance use, health or ability to cope, consider talking with someone you trust or reach out to a professional. If you're concerned about someone, let them know you've noticed a change and that you're available to listen.
Remember, you don't have to diagnose a problem before asking for support. Sometimes simply recognizing that something isn't working anymore is reason enough to reach out.
Recovery Doesn't Have One Definition
Recovery isn’t the same for everyone. For some people, it may mean stopping substance use. For others, it may involve treatment, harm reduction, peer support, counseling, medication, rebuilding relationships, or learning new ways to manage life. There can be setbacks, changes in direction, and different goals along the way. But the main thing is finding support that fits the person's needs and moving toward health and well-being.
If you or someone you care about is struggling, reaching out for help is the first step. Learn more about our services or reach out for support by visiting our website at www.elevateyou.org or calling 262-677-2216.
